THE STARWARS TOP TEN PAGE!

• TOP TEN WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF THE EMPIRE.
• 10. Insist on wearing your slippers
• 9. Tell Vader to relax.
• 8. Be too accurate when firing on a Sandcrawler, making it obvious to any passerby that it wasn't shot down by Tusken Raiders.
• 7. Use the Death Stars superlazer to carve your name in a nebula.
• 6. Speeder bike races down the corridors of the Executor.
• 5. Use 2 Star Destroyers and a Rebel Blockade Runner to play a huge game of "Pong".
• 4. Get caught reaing a Zahn book during the Emperors speech.
• 3. Start "the wave" during stormtrooper inspection.
• 2. Fool around with Vader's lightsaber when he's in his meditation pod, pretending to be a Jedi.
• 1. Secretly replace Vader's lightsaber with a traffic flashlight.

• TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH STARWARS.
• 10. You lose your R2 unit and become a Jedi Knight.
• 9. You are fluent in over 6 million forms of communication, even Bocche.
• 8. You know what species Yoda is.
• 7. You think Lord Vader is your unknown dad.
• 6. When something goes wrong and you are blamed for it, you retaliate with "It’s not my fault!"
• 5. When you can't go out, you tell your mom "But I was going to go to Home Hardware to pick up some power converters!"
• 4. You mistake your cat for a wamprat and shoot it in your "T-16".
• 3. When you pull into a parking lot, you say "This is Red Leader, going in."
• 2. You tell everyone you went skiing on Hoth.
• 1. When you sleep, you cry out "Ben...Ben!"

• TOP TEN REASONS ANAKIN SKYWALKER TURNED TO THE DARK SIDE.
• 10.Generous Dark Lords of the Sith pension plan.
• 9.Sick and tired of mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi repeating "Beware of the Darkside".
• 8. To escape cruel taunting over dorky name.
• 7. To impress his friends.
• 6. Kicked in head by bantha.
• 5. Didn't want to go into the family business of moisture farming.
• 4. Charmed by Emperor Palpatine's seductive after-shave.
• 3. Wanted to use the Force to prop up Microsoft stock.
• 2. Owed money to Jabba the Hutt, could refinance debt through the Empire.
• 1. Wanted cool voice like James Earl Jones.

• TOP TEN FUN THINGS TO DO ON TATOOINE.
• 10. Bantha races.
• 9. Racing landspeeders to the Dairy Queen and back.
• 8. Oil baths (droids only).
• 7. Pin-the-tail-on-the-Glowin'-Ben.
• 6. Find the charred remains of your foster parents.
• 5. Sweatin' to the Oldies...and, for that matter, to the current hits, too.
• 4. Checking out the wretched hives of scum and villainy in Mos Eisley.
• 3. Bulls-eyeing whomp-rats in your T-16.
• 2. Fishing for Boba Fett's helmet in the Sarlacc pit.
• 1. Taunting Jawas.

• TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO JOIN THE EMPIRE.
• 10. Stormtroopers are the Empire's first line of defense.
• 9. All ships and installations are built around a "main reactor".
• 8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedos and always lead to the "main reactor".
• 7. Most TIE Fighters have no shields.
• 6. The Emperor's best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy bears (Ewoks).
• 5. Officers over the rank of Lieutenant have a life expectancy of two weeks.
• 4. Everything proceeds as the Emperor has foreseen.
• 3. Stormtroopers are picked for their intelligence and common sense.
• 2. The Emperor allows the alliance to know the location of the shield generator.
• 1. Bounty Hunters, we don't need their scum!

• TOP TEN REJECTED STAR WARS NOVELS
• 10. Luke opens a ranch devoted to the fine art of motion picture effects, names it after himself.
• 9. "Luke Who's Talking".
• 8. The adventures of Han Solo's accountant brother Seymore.
• 7. "The Complete Wookie Dictionary".
• 6. "Boba Fett: The Wacky Teen Years".
• 5. An entire book devoted to all the options Anakin Skywalker went through when designing scary Darth Vader costume.
• 4. "The Courtship of Darth Vader".
• 3. A three-volume set documenting the first official crossover with the "Star Trek" universe.(Of course, the Starwars characters would kick butt!)
• 2. "Biggs Darklighter: The Man and His Music".
• 1. "The Big Pop-Up Book of Rancors".

• TOP TEN FOODS IN THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE.
• 10.Pizza The Hutt.
• 9. Chocolatey Palp-O-Tine.
• 8. Bits-O-Alderaan Cereal.
• 7. Bantha Biscuits. (not a big seller)
• 6. Kashyykburgers.
• 5. Kibbles n' Bothans.
• 4. Ham Salad in Carbonite.
• 3. Jabba's Live Slimy Frog Things.
• 2. Hutt N' Honey.
• 1. Lando "Lakes" Calrissian Brand Butter.

• TOP TEN MOMENTS EMPEROR PALPATINE WISHES HE'D BEEN THERE.
• 10. Snatching up Luke's lightsaber in the Wampa cave.
• 9. Flipping the Tractor Beam back on after Obi-Wan left.
• 8. Shoving Vader right off the Cloud City gantry after Luke
• 7. Tying Luke's laces together before he leaped out over the Sarlaac.
• 6. Stepping on Luke's fingers while he hung from the Cloud City weather vane.
• 5. Unhooking Luke and Leia's rope in the Death Star core shaft.
• 4. Cranking up the speed on the Trash compactor.
• 3. Driving the AT-AT that almost stepped on Luke.
• 2. Showing Wicket the Ewok what a REAL electric shock feels like.
• 1. "And now, Baby Ewok...You will die!"

• TOP TEN SURPRISES IN STAR WARS: EPISODE ONE
• 10. Luke and Leia actually a result of Mrs. Skywalker's secret torrid affair with Uncle Owen.
• 9. Young Senator Palpatine first elected on a lower taxes platform.
• 8. Special repeat appearance by Rick Morranis.
• 7. Two words: Leia's hair.
• 6. Anakin's wife to be played by Kathy Lee Gifford.
• 5. Aunt Beru actually a hero of the Clone Wars.
• 4. Mon Mothma used to bulls-eye wamprats in her T-7.
• 3. Darth Vader really did kill Anakin Skywalker; just lied to Luke to gain his sympathy.
• 2. Boba Fett actually Luke's third cousin.
• 1. Before being horribly scarred, Anakin Skywalker really looked like James Earl Jones, too.

• TOP TEN HOBBIES OF DARTH VADER.
• 10. Making prank "heavy breathing" phone calls.
• 9. Sneaking up behind Star Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and demanding "Guess who?"
• 8. Practicing throwing Palpatine doll down pits.
• 7. Genealogy.
• 6. Using the force to learn to juggle.
• 5. Mortal Kombat 5436.
• 4. Using mind-reading ability to win at Battleship.
• 3. Late nights with a torture droid.
• 2. Sending anonymous love-notes to Mon Mothma.
• 1. Checking Imperial Deli to see if they've named a sandwich after him yet.