STARWARS TOP TEN PAGE!
- TOP TEN WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT
OF THE EMPIRE.
- 10. Insist on wearing your
- 9. Tell Vader to relax.
- 8. Be too accurate when firing
on a Sandcrawler, making it obvious to any passerby that
it wasn't shot down by Tusken Raiders.
- 7. Use the Death Stars
superlazer to carve your name in a nebula.
- 6. Speeder bike races down the
corridors of the Executor.
- 5. Use 2 Star Destroyers and a
Rebel Blockade Runner to play a huge game of
- 4. Get caught reaing a Zahn book
during the Emperors speech.
- 3. Start "the wave"
during stormtrooper inspection.
- 2. Fool around with Vader's
lightsaber when he's in his meditation pod, pretending to
be a Jedi.
- 1. Secretly replace Vader's
lightsaber with a traffic flashlight.
- TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE OBSESSED
- 10. You lose your R2 unit and
become a Jedi Knight.
- 9. You are fluent in over 6
million forms of communication, even Bocche.
- 8. You know what species Yoda
- 7. You think Lord Vader is your
- 6. When something goes wrong and
you are blamed for it, you retaliate with "Its
not my fault!"
- 5. When you can't go out, you
tell your mom "But I was going to go to Home
Hardware to pick up some power converters!"
- 4. You mistake your cat for a
wamprat and shoot it in your "T-16".
- 3. When you pull into a parking
lot, you say "This is Red Leader, going in."
- 2. You tell everyone you went
skiing on Hoth.
- 1. When you sleep, you cry out
- TOP TEN REASONS ANAKIN SKYWALKER
TURNED TO THE DARK SIDE.
- 10.Generous Dark Lords of the
Sith pension plan.
- 9.Sick and tired of mentor
Obi-Wan Kenobi repeating "Beware of the
- 8. To escape cruel taunting over
- 7. To impress his friends.
- 6. Kicked in head by bantha.
- 5. Didn't want to go into the
family business of moisture farming.
- 4. Charmed by Emperor
Palpatine's seductive after-shave.
- 3. Wanted to use the Force to
prop up Microsoft stock.
- 2. Owed money to Jabba the Hutt,
could refinance debt through the Empire.
- 1. Wanted cool voice like James
- TOP TEN FUN THINGS TO DO ON
- 10. Bantha races.
- 9. Racing landspeeders to the
Dairy Queen and back.
- 8. Oil baths (droids only).
- 6. Find the charred remains of
your foster parents.
- 5. Sweatin' to the Oldies...and,
for that matter, to the current hits, too.
- 4. Checking out the wretched
hives of scum and villainy in Mos Eisley.
- 3. Bulls-eyeing whomp-rats in
- 2. Fishing for Boba Fett's
helmet in the Sarlacc pit.
- 1. Taunting Jawas.
- TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO JOIN THE
- 10. Stormtroopers are the
Empire's first line of defense.
- 9. All ships and installations
are built around a "main reactor".
- 8. Exhaust ports are big enough
for proton torpedos and always lead to the "main
- 7. Most TIE Fighters have no
- 6. The Emperor's best troops
were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy bears
- 5. Officers over the rank of
Lieutenant have a life expectancy of two weeks.
- 4. Everything proceeds as the
Emperor has foreseen.
- 3. Stormtroopers are picked for
their intelligence and common sense.
- 2. The Emperor allows the
alliance to know the location of the shield generator.
- 1. Bounty Hunters, we don't need
- TOP TEN REJECTED STAR WARS
- 10. Luke opens a ranch devoted
to the fine art of motion picture effects, names it after
- 9. "Luke Who's
- 8. The adventures of Han Solo's
accountant brother Seymore.
- 7. "The Complete Wookie
- 6. "Boba Fett: The Wacky
- 5. An entire book devoted to all
the options Anakin Skywalker went through when designing
scary Darth Vader costume.
- 4. "The Courtship of Darth
- 3. A three-volume set
documenting the first official crossover with the
"Star Trek" universe.(Of course, the Starwars
characters would kick butt!)
- 2. "Biggs Darklighter: The
Man and His Music".
- 1. "The Big Pop-Up Book of
- TOP TEN FOODS IN THE STAR WARS
- 10.Pizza The Hutt.
- 9. Chocolatey Palp-O-Tine.
- 8. Bits-O-Alderaan Cereal.
- 7. Bantha Biscuits. (not a big
- 6. Kashyykburgers.
- 5. Kibbles n' Bothans.
- 4. Ham Salad in Carbonite.
- 3. Jabba's Live Slimy Frog
- 2. Hutt N' Honey.
- 1. Lando "Lakes"
Calrissian Brand Butter.
- TOP TEN MOMENTS EMPEROR
PALPATINE WISHES HE'D BEEN THERE.
- 10. Snatching up Luke's
lightsaber in the Wampa cave.
- 9. Flipping the Tractor Beam
back on after Obi-Wan left.
- 8. Shoving Vader right off the
Cloud City gantry after Luke
- 7. Tying Luke's laces together
before he leaped out over the Sarlaac.
- 6. Stepping on Luke's fingers
while he hung from the Cloud City weather vane.
- 5. Unhooking Luke and Leia's
rope in the Death Star core shaft.
- 4. Cranking up the speed on the
- 3. Driving the AT-AT that almost
stepped on Luke.
- 2. Showing Wicket the Ewok what
a REAL electric shock feels like.
- 1. "And now, Baby
Ewok...You will die!"
- TOP TEN SURPRISES IN STAR WARS:
- 10. Luke and Leia actually a
result of Mrs. Skywalker's secret torrid affair with
- 9. Young Senator Palpatine first
elected on a lower taxes platform.
- 8. Special repeat appearance by
- 7. Two words: Leia's hair.
- 6. Anakin's wife to be played by
Kathy Lee Gifford.
- 5. Aunt Beru actually a hero of
the Clone Wars.
- 4. Mon Mothma used to bulls-eye
wamprats in her T-7.
- 3. Darth Vader really did kill
Anakin Skywalker; just lied to Luke to gain his sympathy.
- 2. Boba Fett actually Luke's
- 1. Before being horribly
scarred, Anakin Skywalker really looked like James Earl
- TOP TEN HOBBIES OF DARTH VADER.
- 10. Making prank "heavy
breathing" phone calls.
- 9. Sneaking up behind Star
Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and
demanding "Guess who?"
- 8. Practicing throwing Palpatine
doll down pits.
- 7. Genealogy.
- 6. Using the force to learn to
- 5. Mortal Kombat 5436.
- 4. Using mind-reading ability to
win at Battleship.
- 3. Late nights with a torture
- 2. Sending anonymous love-notes
to Mon Mothma.
- 1. Checking Imperial Deli to see
if they've named a sandwich after him yet.